


True Love Cannot Be Forgotten

by CaremKefo



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Control Ending, Death from Old Age, F/M, Friendship, Growing Old Together, Love, Minor EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Post-Mass Effect 3, Resurrection, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26108089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaremKefo/pseuds/CaremKefo
Summary: When Shepard became the Catalyst she was supposed to remember, but she wasn't supposed tofeel; however she doesn't justrememberbeing in love with Kaidan - she stillisin love with him.
Relationships: EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Kudos: 13





	1. Always Loved

**Author's Note:**

> I have joined the ranks of Mass Effect players who hate all the possible endings for the series. None of them do the series justice. Instead of ignoring that EDI and the Geth die in the 'destroy' ending and pretending that they all live happily ever after, I've decided to try making the 'control' ending happier.
> 
> This started out as mShenko and was mostly written over three years ago, but I never got it finished. I was looking through my incomplete fics for something to finish and chose this, but rewrote it as fShenko as the femShep game dialogue worked better for what I was trying to achieve. Un-beta'd.

As EDI altered the Normandy's course to avoid the debris of a wrecked Turian vessel, she became distracted by a string of ones and zeroes flooding through her processor.

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00101100 00100000 01000101 01000100 01001001 00101110

«Hello, EDI.»

EDI's head cocked to the side. She was being communicated with on a Reaper frequency, but she had never known one to communicate in English unless they were communicating with another human. This led her to assume that the one communicating with her wasn't a Reaper.

Although other species had learned the Reaper frequency during the war, none utilised it now that the war was over. This would make her curious, and cautious, except for the use of her name. It would have to be someone familiar to her - someone who couldn't communicate through normal channels.

It took her a fraction of a second to intercept the message, read the message, and hypothesise as to the identity of the sender.

"Damn it, EDI!" Jeff complained when a stray piece of metal hit their shields.

"I'm sorry, Jeff," she apologised immediately. "I was... distracted."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "How come that isn't a valid excuse whenever you catch me staring at you? And since when did you get distracted, anyway?"

"Since now," she told him. "Do not worry, Jeff. It won't happen again."

He settled back in his seat, grumbling to himself.

EDI read the message again, and reconsidered the data available. She reached the same conclusion as before Jeff's outburst. Composing a reply, she sent the message on the same frequency.

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00101100 00100000 01010011 01101000 01100101 01110000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00101110

«Hello, Shepard.»

01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111

«How are you?»

01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110111 01100101 01101100 01101100 00101110 00100000 01001010 01100101 01100110 01100110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01101110 01101111 01111001 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100101 01110011 01110011 01100001 01100111 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01110011 01110100 01110010 01100001 01100011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110

«I am well. Jeff is annoyed that your message distracted me.»

01001001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01110011 01110100 01110010 01100001 01100011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111

«I distracted you?»

Even through the binary code, EDI could hear the teasing tone behind Shepard's words. For a moment she recalled a memory of her friend - the slight curve of her mouth, and the twinkle in her eyes - and felt a pang of regret. She hesitated before sending her next message, unsure that she wanted to hear the answer.

01000001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101001 01110110 01100101 00111111

«Are you alive?»

There was a momentary pause, before the reply came through.

01001110 01101111 00101110

«No.»

01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00101110

«I do not understand.»

01001111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01000011 01110010 01110101 01100011 01101001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01000011 01100001 01110100 01100001 01101100 01111001 01110011 01110100 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01111001 00101110

«On the Crucible, I became the Catalyst. It was the only way.»

01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01100101 01100001 01110000 01100101 01110010 01110011 00111111

«The only way to stop the Reapers?»

01001110 01101111 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01100011 01110010 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01110011 01111001 01101110 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110100 01101001 01100011 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100001 01101110 01101001 01100011 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101110

«No. The only way to save you. I couldn't sacrifice synthetic life for organic life.»

EDI made a sound akin to a gasp and, if she could cry, she would have done so in that moment. Shepard, the commander she had looked up to, admired, and served under, had sacrificed herself so that EDI and others like her could live. In a world where AIs were still treated with suspicion and distrust, Shepard had died to give them a chance.

"EDI? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jeff." There was nothing she could say to Shepard that would do her actions justice, so she settled for the simplest of responses.

01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110

«Thank you.»

01001001 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100111 01101111 00101110

«I should go.»

01010111 01000001 01001001 01010100 00101110

«WAIT.»

She sent that word alone, to give her time to write the rest of her message.

01010111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 00111111 00100000 01010100 01101111 00100000 01001011 01100001 01101001 01100100 01100001 01101110 00111111

«Wouldn't you like to speak to the others? To Kaidan?»

01001001 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00101110

«I shouldn't.»

Shepard said nothing more, so EDI diverted her full attention back to the Normandy. Some time later another message came through.

01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001011 01100001 01101001 01100100 01100001 01101110 00111111

«How is Kaidan?»

For a few seconds EDI considered lying to her, but decided that she needed to know the truth.

01001000 01100101 00100111 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110010 01110110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01100100 00101110

«He'd be better if you had survived.»

01010100 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01001110 01101111 00101110 00100000 01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00100000 01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01101111 01101110 01100101 00101110

«Tell him... No. Don't tell him anything. Don't say anything to anyone.»

01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00111111

«Don't you think he should know?»

01001110 01101111 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110000 01110000 01101111 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01101100 00101100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00101100 00100000 01000101 01000100 01001001 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 00101110

«No, I don't. I wasn't supposed to still feel, but... I love him, EDI. I want him to be happy. He needs to move on.»

EDI glanced over at Jeff. If she became non-functional, she would not want Jeff to spend the rest of his life mourning her 'death', but at the same time she knew that, if he were to die, she would never forget him.

01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01100010 01101111 01100100 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110101 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100011 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00101100 00100000 01010011 01101000 01100101 01110000 01100001 01110010 01100100 00101110 00100000 01000010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100111 00100000 01110100 01100001 01100111 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001011 01100001 01101001 01100100 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01110010 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110011 01101001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110111 01101110 00101110

«There was no body for us to recover, Shepard. But we found your dog tags. Kaidan wears them beside his own.»

Shepard fell silent again, and this time she stayed silent.


	2. Never Forgotten

"Liara?"

"Yes, EDI?"

"Do you have time to talk?"

"Just let me finish this message and I can spare a few minutes."

"Thank you. I appreciate that you are very busy." She stood where she was, waiting for Liara to finish. She was aware that as a synthetic her stance could be very stiff and unwelcoming, so as she waited she tried to practice looking relaxed.

"Okay," Liara said, as she hit send. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Do you think you could build another body like this one?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

"Is there something wrong with your current one?" A look of horror flashed over her face. "Is it something to do with a fantasy that Joker—"

"No," EDI said quickly, shaking her head. "It is for Kaidan."

Liara smiled sadly. "EDI, I understand that you and Joker have a... bond.... relationship... that works for you. And I'm happy for you both, truly. But I don't think that's something you can replicate for Kaidan."

Liara had misunderstood the intention behind her inquiry. EDI's processor whirred as she debated with herself. "If someone asked you to keep a secret for them, would it be wrong of you to share it?"

"Absolutely," she replied.

EDI looked thoughtful. "Even if keeping it hurts someone?"

Liara paused to consider the question. "Would sharing it also hurt them?"

"Possibly."

She sat down and interlocked her fingers, using them as a rest for her chin. "That's a difficult question to answer."

"Shepard once told me that I could use my own moral stance to make decisions. Would this be one of those instances?"

"I think so, yes."

"In that case, I have spoken with Shepard."

Liara leapt to her feet. "She's _alive_?"

"No."

"But, then, how..?"

"From what I understand, Shepard transferred her consciousness into the Catalyst, _becoming_ it. Her physical body is gone, but her thoughts and memories remain. It would seem, from our conversation, that her feelings for the Major _also_ remain."

"Is Shepard in pain?"

EDI bowed her head. "It did not occur to me to ask."

"What _did_ she say?"

"She asked after Kaidan, and she said... she said..."

"EDI?"

"She said that she gave her life because she refused to sacrifice synthetic life for organic life," she finished, visibly distressed.

When the Asari wrapped her arms around her, holding her in an embrace that she recognised but had never experienced for herself, EDI froze. Was Liara seeking to comfort her, or was she seeking comfort _from_ her?

As she brought her own arms up, however, Liara pulled away.

"I don't know what we can do, but we can try," she told EDI with determination, her blue eyes wet with tears. "I'm going to need some scans of your body, Dr Chakwas can help with that... We won't tell her what they're for, of course - we won't tell _anyone_ in case this doesn't work, but..." She sat down at her computer and started typing up a list of things she needed.

* * *

For several months Liara and EDI worked in secret, recruiting Tali to the cause only when it became clear that they needed someone with more technological know-how - the lie that it was an experimental update for EDI sliding easily off Liara's tongue - and it was almost a year before they had a fully functional body. After running a few last minute diagnostics EDI took it for a test drive, startling Garrus who set them back several weeks after he fired several shots at Shepard's new body before Liara could stop him.

Neither had considered Shepard's reluctance to download herself into it once they let her in on their finished project.

01001110 01101111 00101110

«No.»

01010111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00111111

«Why not?»

01000010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01100100 01100101 01100001 00101110

«Because it's a bad idea.»

01001010 01101111 01101011 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101100 01100110 01101001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110000 00101110

«Joker and I have a very fulfilling emotional relationship.»

01001011 01100001 01101001 01100100 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01001010 01101111 01101011 01100101 01110010 00101110

«Kaidan isn't Joker.»

"No, he's not," Liara agreed angrily. "Kaidan _loves you_. He is a good man who has mourned your loss not once, but _twice_. He hasn't been the same since he lost you, and he would give _anything_ to have you back. If you _truly_ love him, you'd want to make him happy!"

The silence that filled Liara's cabin as she finished shouting was deafening.

EDI transcribed Liara's words and transmitted the message to Shepard.

It was several long minutes before Shepard finally responded.

01000001 01101100 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00101110 00100000 01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00111111

«Alright. How do I do this?»


	3. Forever Missed

When they were finally ready to show Kaidan, Shepard was nervous. It had been over a year since her organic body had died - what if Liara was wrong, and Kaidan's feelings had changed? Or what if they hadn't, but Kaidan didn't accept her the way she was now?

Liara's blue hand slipped into her mechanical one. "I know you, better than anyone. You have nothing to worry about."

"Alright, I'm coming, EDI."

Even as a digital consciousness, Shepard was a soldier at heart. She straightened to attention as she heard Kaidan's voice growing louder as he walked down the Normandy's corridor

"This had better be important, I've got a call with Admiral Hackett scheduled for—"

Kaidan trailed off as he entered the room, and saw Shepard standing there. But it was confusion, not recognition, that crossed his face, for Shepard wasn't _Shepard_ anymore, at least as Kaidan had known her.

"Liara? What is this?"

Liara looked from Kaidan, to Shepard, and back to Kaidan. She took a deep breath. "This is Shepard."

Kaidan's face darkened at the mention of his former lover's name. "Shepard's _dead_. You of all people should—"

"Kaidan," Shepard cut him off. When he turned to look at her, she reminded him softly, "We knew it was goodbye."

Kaidan stared at her warily, so Shepard cast a glance at Liara and tilted her head towards the door.

Liara nodded, catching EDI's elbow and the two left them alone.

"You said you'd fight like hell for the chance to hold me again."

Hope and fear warred in Kaidan's eyes.

"Well, here I am."

Slowly, Kaidan reached out a trembling hand.

Shepard fought to remain still, knowing that Kaidan needed to come to her in his own time. When Kaidan's hand finally cupped her face, she felt nothing.

"You're hard... and cold."

"I'm still _me_."

Tears filled Kaidan's eyes as he pushed Shepard away. "No. You're not. The real Shepard died." Finally his tears spilled over. " _My_ Shepard _died_!"

Shepard reached out with a cold hand, and brushed a tear away with her thumb. "I came back from the dead once before," she said softly. "Why is it so hard to believe that I'd do it again?"

Kaidan gasped, reaching out to grab the table as his knees buckled with the shock of it all. Shaking his head in disbelief, he refused to look at Shepard. "No. No, no, no..."

"I'm right here, K," Shepard reminded Kaidan. "You didn't lose me again."

"Shepard?" he breathed, his voice laced with fear. A fear that this wasn't real - that he'd be allowed to lose his lover a third time.

Slowly, so as not to provoke another violent reaction from him, Shepard stepped closer. "I love you," she said quietly, words meant only for Kaidan. "Always. No matter what."

An ugly keening noise burst from Kaidan's throat and he grabbed for Shepard, who pulled him into her arms.

* * *

As the years passed, Kaidan's skin started to weather and his hair became more silver than black.

"People are going to think you're my personal assistant android," he'd joke.

But Shepard could see through his attempts at humour, to the insecurities that he tried to keep buried.

Old age wasn't flattering - Kaidan's youthful good looks were fading, his strength was diminishing, and the migraines he's coped with in his younger years could cripple him for days now. Shepard, however, has been upgraded: a synthetic skin applied over her frame had been sculpted to resemble her human appearance, and she didn't look a day older than when she'd died; a new voice module that synthesised her organic voice, so she didn't sound like a computerised VI.

But none of that mattered to Shepard. What mattered to her was sharing Kaidan's life with him, bringing him happiness and joy, comforting him through the grief that followed their former crewmates' deaths, and holding him through the crippling pain brought on by his L2 implant.

"So, when are you going to trade me in for a younger model?" he croaked with a grin on his eightieth birthday, his laughter turning to coughing.

"Never," Shepard promised him, brushing her fingers through Kaidan's white hair.

"But seriously, Shepard," he said, his smile disappearing, "what happens to you when I'm gone?"

Shepard shrugged. "I go on."

"I wouldn't... I wouldn't blame you if you found someone else. Forever is a long time to be alone."

"I won't be alone," she told him. "There are billions of people in the galaxy. I live among them."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. I don't _need_ anyone."

"Will you miss me?"

"How can you ask me that?" she asked him. "Of course I will."

"I think, in a couple of centuries, you'll have forgotten who I am."

Shepard shook her head. "I could never forget you." She reached for the glass of water beside Kaidan and held it for him as he started to cough again.

"Never thought I'd reach old age," Kaidan remarked, wheezing slightly. "Always thought I'd die on the battlefield. I'd hoped, though..."

* * *

When Kaidan passed away three years later, Shepard took his body to Intai'sei and had it buried in front of the apartment she'd won oh, so many years ago from Admiral Ahern on Pinnacle Station. The first time she'd died, the paperwork for the property had slipped through the cracks - she'd only found out she still owned the property when she was searching for a kakliosaur fossil for reasons she can't remember, now. So much had happened during the war - so much pressure had been put on her shoulders. Kaidan had helped her carry it, by the end.

_"I wouldn't blame you if you found someone else."_

She remembered the words Kaidan had said, several times over the past few years, but there was no-one like Kaidan. She would live, and remember. Always.


End file.
